A friend in need is a friend indeed!
We all have heard this line too often in our life but in my case I couldn’t convert it into action. When someone required me at his bad time. I completely backed out. I, though, was taking it differently, and thought it will help him in longer run. Because he will get out of his comfort zone. And he would be more stronger as an individual. But somehow later, I realized that its “the” time when he requires me the most. I can help him creating his life more productive by stopping him to make mistakes.
It started few weeks back when my best friend asked me to stay with me at my place, As he has no other options right now. He is going to pursue a course on “Professional Photography” his new career interest. And for your information, He is already a commercial pilot finding it difficult to get a job in Aviation industry (His other career interest). And more on that he have some bad habits and unwilling approach towards his life which create severe hurdles in his life. I stay with another friend of mine who also know him well. (Of-course, I introduced both of them to each other) We could have easily accommodated him with us.
But one fine day we were chilling out and then suddenly (I&HIM) got into some very harsh discussion that lead to “Nowhere” but anger & negative talks for each other. I ,being so mad at that time, told him that he can’t stay with us at all. Despite of his repeated attempts of making things normal. I, somehow, got stuck with that thought. I sent him a text telling him why I don’t want him to stay with us.
Here is what I told him via SMS -
“I don’t know man but now I am not comfortable staying with you at all.
I don’t care about others what they say about you but I have made my mind after observing your past actions.
You drink a lot daily, you do not like listening to others, you kill your time unnecessary on Chatting with random people and you hear those words which were never spoken.
You are not the same guy anymore. This is your place if you want to stay here, I can’t say no to you as ever. However If you want to stay, I would have to leave the place as we can’t stay together anymore.
I am done of fighting or proving my petty things. You know my current mindset, Things are not turning up for as it was suppose to. My battle within me is such that I am not able to differentiate what is wrong and right? I can’t add more troubles man to it.
Maybe you will hate me now forever (If I were there on your side, I would have done the same.) You should do this, I am doing this terrible mistake, I know that.
But I would like to see you succeeding in your life as an enemy rather than ruining yourself everyday as a friend.
I told you all my concerns frankly and straightly. I hope you would understand and will able to forgive me someday.
(Sent on 14-01-13, 11:55 PM)
I am sure, by now, some of you must be having bad impression for me. Or maybe it would be the other way around. Despite of saying “If you fall, I will be there”. I told him not to stay.
My other room partner thinks that I acted so weird. (Which I accept now). And tells me that its all fake and I was just simply trying to escape from my duty of friendship. Ultimately I was the villain for everyone. My room partner, He and myself all of us started hating me for that attitude of mine.
Maybe he was right as I showed no soft feelings for him. Maybe its my sheer arrogance, as he said, my rigid mindset that made me stuck with that thought. Maybe I have simply become so cruel and I ignore emotions. Maybe I was apprehensive of staying together and I did not want to get out of my comfort zone.
But seriously guys, I had no bad intentions for him at all. I genuinely want him to get succeed in his life. And I was worried that the long he would have same easy life approach, the long he would be ignoring important things to do for himself. So I took the harsh decision. (SO Many ‘I’s huh)
“A man’s own self is his friend. A man’s own self is his foe.”
Actually, Things are not turning up as I was expecting them to turn around. They should understand that I am not living a very happy life either. They too know that my time is not going well and its making me fragile. I am currently living in a state of delusion and being very weak and negative at this phase of my life. I doubt everyone’s efforts including mine.
“Delusion arises from anger. The mind is bewildered by delusion. Reasoning is destroyed when the mind is bewildered. One falls down when reasoning is destroyed.”
BTW we have sorted out our differences and He will be staying with us now. After few years when everything gets OK(I hope so). I would like to read it again and laugh at my petty mistakes. If I could not control my ego in future. Maybe these articles can bring me down to normal. (That’s the motto of this blog)
I am too mean thinking that, Aye! :)
Untill next time me&he have hot discussion. I will focus on some other issues of my life.
I am wondering, How we will stay together, as we may fall apart!!
I can’t even say you bluntly, NO, It will hurt me hard!!
I don’t know, if you know, My Mindset, I am being so NEGATIVE!!
Got less motivation, no idea path, I have no objective!!
I give so many lectures, to my friends, albeit I am the one who need intervention!!
I am fucked up right now completely, solely; I may like an injection (Heroin)!!
My heart pushes me to call her…
My brain shouts immediately, you have lost her…
My soul is crying DAY and Night; Even my Shadow is out of my SIGHT…
Oh God! How will I make her believe that my intentions were never wrong…
I wish I could go somewhere and become a MONK…
I truly truly miss her; I don’t have enough words…
I WISH, you would be here with me; I seriously would have conquered the world…
And what about your words filled with cruelty?
You just stabbed me with your expressions… AGAIN!?!?!
I think either of us is really INSANE…
Oh Lord I was SO good WITHOUT HER…
Is it a test, I feel like DEFAULTER…
You say, I pissed you off! SERIOUSLY?!?!?
Oh that was because I sent you that SMILEY?!?!?!
So WHAT is “hīˌbrid Emotions..”?!?!
A thing made by combining two different elements; a mixture.
Of mixed character; composed of mixed parts.
We have reached to 21st Century, Even crossed that 12th’s year deadline of WORLD’s END. An era of so many accomplishments technologically and personally. We have even crossed THE 7 billionth number of total population.
Today’s generation – “More” involve in RAGE, INEQUALITY, DISPARITY, WARS, HATRED, COMPLEXITIES, SELF INTEREST and “less” in LOVE, AFFECTION, CARE for others.
Today’s world has become so UNCERTAIN, People more FAKE. Everyone is trying to prove his/her “point of view” and no one is ready to LISTEN or ACCEPT other’s point!!
Just imagine if all Gods from different religions are living at same place. and they watch us as an audience (LAUGHING at US, CONCERNED for US.)
Trying to tell us that STOP, Its already too late.
And we as an artists, continue to ACT, We hurt others(KNOWINGLY & UNKNOWINGLY), We are SO involved with our own problems and our self Interest, that we ignore all those things which do not concern us. We have learn to live in present, We forget our past easily and WE actually do not care about our future.
And when we left the NEVERENDING play, Mahatma Gandhi rightly mentioned -
“Before the throne of the Almighty, man will be judged not by his acts but by his intentions. For God alone reads our hearts.”